


The Pain of Loss

by wonderlandiscrumbling



Series: A Friend in Need [5]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alcoholism, Gen, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Death, season two based
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-19
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 12:37:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16346864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderlandiscrumbling/pseuds/wonderlandiscrumbling
Summary: Oswald heard about what happened between Lee and Jim, after leaving Arkham and getting his own affairs settled he pays her a visit to see how she's holding up after such a terrible loss.





	The Pain of Loss

While he’d been in Arkham he’d heard about Jim, heard that he’d ended up at Blackgate, and inevitably had broken things off with Lee. Even through torturous treatments that left him feeling completely out of it he had been frustrated and annoyed hearing this news. He’d given Jim a pass, gave him the freedom to leave Gotham with Lee and have the sort of life that so many of them never got the chance to have. Deep down he supposed a part of him had known Jim, knew he would stay in Gotham, continue playing the good cop all the while begging to be punished for the murder of a terrible man, but never feeling guilty enough to help Oswald out of Arkham.

It wasn’t until one month out of Arkham, a week after his father’s murder, and another week after he took care of loose ends that Oswald found he had the time to find Lee.

On the way to her apartment he thought about how stupid this was, how this was potentially a horrible idea, and would end with screaming and a door being slammed in his face. He rubbed at his temple closing his eyes, he knew he could tell the driver to turn around or take him to the nearest bar, but he was nearly at his destination.

He’d heard about the miscarriage, heard how even after getting out of Blackgate Jim still hadn’t talked to her. She left her job, temporary or possibly a permanent leave while she grieved the loss of her baby. He had to admit a part of him loathed that Jim could just do that sort of thing, could push her away at a time where she needed him most then avoid her out of fear when she needed him again. 

When the car pulled up against the curb he stalled on getting out, thought about what he was doing. He honestly wasn’t too sure what he was doing here, why he felt he had any right to visit her or check on her. He knew she didn’t hate him, in fact she had been kinder to him than a lot of people had been. Still he feared he wasn’t exactly the type of company she would want to keep.

The doubts didn’t stop him from getting out of the car and going up to the complex, entering the old building and making the trip up two flights of stairs. He thought to himself that he only knew where her apartment was because that was his job, he knew everything about everybody that he came into contact with, almost always for a professional reason; for her it had been because of her job and her connection to Gordon. If he’d ever been incapable of finding Jim at his place or at the precinct then it was a safe bet he’d find the man at Thompkins apartment. Except that wasn’t the case now, Jim’s car hadn’t been parked outside and his gut told him she was in there alone.

Hesitantly he knocked on the door, waited outside listening intently. He could hear the racket from the other apartments, could hear a stereo playing within Lee’s apartment and the thudding of footsteps as she made her way to the door. He was a bit surprised when she opened it without checking or asking who was there. She stood in the doorway looking at him with tired bloodshot eyes, her hair shoulder length and curling, she wore a large black t-shirt and under that she wore black shorts. She regarded him with a gaze that said she wasn’t as surprised as he thought she would be, he felt surprised when she stepped to the side gesturing for him to enter her place of residence. Cautiously he entered closing the door behind him, he watched as she made her way to the coffee table picking up a bottle of whiskey that was verging on empty.

“Do you want something to drink?” She asked giving the bottle a small shake as she looked at him.

“Uh no, no thank you.” 

She shrugged, uncapped the bottle, and began drinking from it. He watched her and felt a pang of something, guilt or familiarity; he’d done this hundreds of times and so had his mother, he almost hated to see her like this. She could have left Gotham, she could have had her baby, and lead any sort of life she would have wanted, but only if Jim had gone with her instead of staying and in turn making her stay with him. It was a cruel ultimatum to set upon a person you loved, to make them choose raising a baby alone in a new city or stay with you in a pit of despair and constant danger.

He watched as she placed the now empty bottle down on the table, watched as she resumed her daily business as if he wasn’t even there. It wasn’t like he expected respect or fear or the typical annoyed state people had when he was near, but her acting as if it was normal for him to be standing in her apartment was something he hadn’t completely expected. 

He followed her into the kitchen. “Aren’t you even the slightest bit curious as to why I’m here?” He inquired.

She looked at him, she looked tired. “No. I figure you were looking for Jim or for whatever reason Jim would rather have you here to talk to me on his behalf than face me himself, so which is it?” She asked folding her arms across her chest.

“Neither. I haven’t spoken to Jim in a while.”

She continued to regard him, caution playing in dark brown eyes. She eventually relaxed her stance letting her arms hang at her sides again.

“Then why are you here?” She asked, a softer tone to her voice this time.

He shrugged feeling left rather speechless. He could say that he was concerned about her, which wouldn’t be a lie. He could tell her how beautiful she’d looked the last time he’d seen her, how he’d felt there was potential for her to have a good life with Jim, and he’d been so horribly wrong about it. He considered lying to her, but he knew lies were the last thing she needed.

“I’m sorry. I wanted you to know that I’m sorry about what happened, about your loss….I heard about what happened.”

“Do you really care?” She asked, he could sense the tension filling her again.

“I do, I wouldn’t have come out here if I didn’t care. I didn’t….I didn’t think that things would go the way they did, I had hoped there would be a better outcome.”

He’d had that naïve hope many times over, time after time hoping that life would just give him or somebody a break. Let those close to him be happy for longer than a second.

She broke eye contact, she stared off to the side as if it was hard to make eye contact. 

“You know….You’re the first person to actually talk to me since I lost the baby.” She paused swallowing hard, she closed her eyes for a minute.

Cautiously he reached out placing a hand against her arm his thumb brushing against her soft warm skin.

“When I went to work they didn’t even know how to look at me or approach me, after I took my leave it was like I stopped existing to them. People I considered my friends, that I thought cared, but they couldn’t handle this.” There was bitter hurt and disgust in her voice.

Tears rolled down her cheeks and she shook her head as if frustrated with herself for crying again. 

“I’m sorry, I know it isn’t much, and I know that I am truly the last person you probably even want in your apartment let alone offering comfort, but I truly feel terrible about what you went through.”

She looked at him again, there was an emotion in her eyes he couldn’t read, but he felt it was akin to some sort of relief. Relief that somebody was still there, that somebody could listen to her talk about this and not run away or treat her like a child.

It took him by surprise when she hugged him, her arms wrapped tightly around his waist and her face buried against his shoulder. He carefully wrapped his own arms around her returning the embrace, he rubbed his hand along her back allowing her to cry against him. 

“I’m so sick of being alone.” She muttered against him.

He could hear the pain and the heartache in her voice. He saw the empty bottles on the counter and the ashtray filled over the brim with cigarette butts, he could feel her trembling in his arms and his own heart aching for a loss he personally could never quite grasp or understand, but he understood the weight of loss, of burying a loved one. He didn’t have any other words to offer her, but he did hold her, because comfort was all she’d asked for from any of them.


End file.
